0009 - Burnout (Explicit Content)

Burnout is a bitch. Anyone who has dealt with burnout knows this. However, folks who have seen others deal with burnout without having personal experience can often see it as whining and/or dealing with the consequences of getting in over your head. They're not wrong, but that oversimplification can lead to something that might be even more dangerous than burnout itself: bottling it all up.

Let's face it: people don't like being ridiculed. That's why I rarely write blog posts, I advertise new blog posts on Twitter exactly one (1) time, usually late at night so it will get lost in people's feeds, and I get nervous when I hit 5+ pageviews on a post (especially when people aren't commenting). It's because I just know deep down in my heart that someone is going to read my blog and think "This guy's an idiot and probably should never be loved and die alone."

Back to the topic...
When someone is feeling burnt out, they have limited options with limited results:
1. They can share how they're feeling and have people reach out to help them, which can (not always will) make the situation better
2. They can share how they're feeling and be ignored, which will make the situation worse
3. They can share how they're feeling and be ridiculed, which will make the situation much worse
4. They can keep it to themselves and have an altruistic person magically come along and make things better, which will make the situation better but pretty much will never happen
5. They can keep it to themselves and eventually regain the fire that got them started in the first place, which will, at least temporarily, make things better
6. They can keep it to themselves and eventually go postal and/or grind themselves down into nothing, which is pretty much the worst result

So, yeah. Burnout is a bitch. But what can we do about it?
In my endless wisdom and experience, I have concocted the following cockamamie scheme:

1. We, as a community, should learn to recognize burnout within our communities
We are all members of multiple communities, whether we realize it or not. It's not just the people you live around, the people you work around, your classmates, the church you attend, your group of friends, or the IRC channels you frequent, either. Members of your broad vocational field ("technology" in my case) and more specific fields (most likely plural; for me, they are "elevators," ".Net development," "logistics," "warehouse management," "analysis," etc. Do I personally manufacture elevators? No, but I'm a member of that vocational community.) are members of your communities. More than likely, you know people who have experience burnout in your community and know how your community was diminished because of the loss of that person's enthusiasm and abilities. What events or circumstances led up to that point? Were there any indications from the person that they were starting to feel burnt out? This can vary from community to community and from person to person, so there is no hard and fast rule for recognizing that this is happening. At best, when you hear someone talking about being overwhelmed, not having the energy to finish fairly normal tasks, and/or wanting to quit, move to a yurt on the side of the interstate, and raise goats and guineas, talk to them about that. Ask questions. Pry. Be a pain in the ass. Try to let them know, in your social misfit way, that you care about them and want them to be around for a while. Even if there's nothing that you can do (or that they will let you do), you will hopefully at least let them know that you care about them, which may help them open up later.

2. We, as people, should learn to recognize burnout within ourselves EARLY
I was raised by a father and a mother who sucked at recognizing burnout in themselves. Whenever something needed to be done at our church, my mom was doing it. Whenever there were new responsibilities that needed to be taken on at work, my dad was doing it. This resulted in ever-increasing amounts of stress for both of them and, finally, to burnout for both. What could and should have been fun, relaxing, and rewarding experiences for them became drudgery and extra stressors (on top of raising 3 boys, one of whom was me). When the weekend came around and it was time for them to relax, they kept right on working. This went on for years. Even after they were burnt out with involvement in various communities, they kept on taking on more responsibilities and pushing themselves farther than they should have ever gone.
So how can we recognize burnout in ourselves before we get to the breaking point? As before, there is no hard and fast rule. However, by asking ourselves a few questions, we might be able to figure it out. Why do you do what you do? If it's because it won't be done unless you do it, is this something that absolutely must be done? What would stop someone else from doing it? What will happen if it is not done? What are you not doing so that you can do this?

3. We, as people, should learn to say "No"
4. We, as a community, should learn to accept "No"
5. We, as a community of people, should learn to all pitch in
So how is my mom still alive and not 15 years dead with stress-related heart disease? It's a quick story: We moved to a new church. She was asked to help out with something and said "Yes" with a slightly pained look in her eyes. The person who had asked her could see that pain and told her "It's okay to say 'no' sometimes." My mom apologized and said, "No." She felt really terrible about it until things magically worked out (i.e. someone else who had some extra free time said "Yes"). It was liberating for her. It was liberating for me (I say "No" way too often, most likely).
But did you see what happened? A community member recognized that pain, knew that pain, and acknowledged that pain. When the option to say "No" was given, and my mother took it, the community accepted that answer graciously, and someone else within the community who was better equipped at that time took on the responsibility.
Granted, not all communities accept "No" for an answer. Not all communities (hell, probably most communities) do not know how to pitch in. As a result, a small group of people shoulders the burdens for entire communities, and we end up with burnout.

So, in short, to help avoid burnout, follow these easy steps:
People burning out:
Communities:

 Everyone: